NaPo Day 3-5

Where am i?

Rest on borrowed pillows
beneath gifted blankets
in a house which is too expensive,
behind windows with broken seals
and with nothing to own but
that which is given freely.

An employee of the system
self-promotion, negotiation
a debt which negates wages
any wages
what wages can you spare?
Not begging, but taking anything
nothing, a ten, a twenty,
it always seems too much

This is the existence in which i live.
Last in the syntactic order
above only shame as somehow
there is a positive face i steal.

Failures

Break fast across my tempting plate
a moment too soon for my stomach
to be ruled by my brain. A second
later and the guilt guts me like a fish.

The melting, gooey, sweet, liquefying satisfaction
bites at my desire and satiates it. Yes, this is guilty making.

Thanks a lot Easter.

In the Barn

I was working with this little filly, a sweet-heart if every I knew one
and this day she just did not want to work.
I had to use the lunge whip and a plastic bag just to get her moving
then she was constantly turning in and trying to spook.

I think she finally talked to the bullheaded gelding next door
because she was trying to buck the saddle off like he’d done yesterday.
She doesn’t quite have his lung capacity though
and the martingale made it harder on her.

Now she’s acting more like a warm blooded than her typical self
but I’m sure she’ll get over it after a couple half passes
as long as I can keep her on the vertical.
I’m going to have fun today.

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Was it Something I Said

One of my professors asked me if I was walking in graduation. I’m graduating this May. I replied with this:

I actually feel really attached to that sort of ceremony because it just finalizes things for me and makes me feel more like, united with the world. I don’t know if that seems odd, but it makes me feel good to know that I’m not alone, that I’m a face in the collection and we did it together, even if we didn’t do it literally together, but like, we all managed to get through this journey together in our own unique ways, sort of like going into a dark forest, sometimes spying silhouettes of our neighbors who walk not ten feet away, but we rarely see their faces. Sometimes we grasp hands, sometimes we have leaders or paths paved, but a lot of it is unmarked, overgrown, and we might just have thickets to contend with. Coming out the other side, walking with everyone, seeing all the faces that were in that forest with you, it really fills me with relief. Especially since I can walk with honors. To me that just adds an element of justification, like what I did, I did well, and doing it well matters. So often you hear that it doesn’t matter how good your grades were in school once you get a job, but there, walking, it does. I didn’t just come out the other side, but for my wounds and scrapes, I achieved too.

I’m saving it because she liked it.

Between

It’s between classes now. That’s always a hard time to get things done because so little seems to happen. My most productive season between was when I went out to my grandmothers house. I don’t do well otherwise. To fix this, I’m going to read KL by Shakespeare over the summer and I’ll be reviewing […]